Hospital Diary

Those Five Weeks…

Five whole weeks.

I was hospitalized for three weeks and then recuperated for two weeks. Five weeks in total, or three million, twenty four thousand seconds.

Looking back on it two years later, even just thinking back about those days brings me down. I may feel down, but the weight helped create the me that’s here today, the one that can stand the pressure.

Of course the passage of time is probably one of the biggest reasons, but I also feel like I grew and overcame thanks to the love and support of all those around me.

I may have lost something, but I also learned something important. That’s how I feel.

Whenever I look at the scar on my stomach, my mind always wanders to what kind of impact this will have on my life.

After being discharged, I decided I wanted to live alone. Prior to the hospitalization, it never even occurred to me to think about living alone. My home wasn’t close, but it wasn’t far enough away to be problematic to commute in to Tokyo. I just kinda thought I’d leave my house when I got married.

When I was discharged, I felt like I couldn’t keep doing that.

The change in my outlook is what surprised me most.

I got a lot of letters from so many people during my hospitalization and after being discharged. This industry is one where usually you hold back on visiting women in the hospital, so they cheered me on in the form of letters.

Akiko Yajima was very sweet and caring.

Megumi Hayashibarahas a nursing certificate, so she was really able to understand what it was like for me after surgery and comforted me.

Aya Hisakawa sent me a really nice book.

Keiko Han reminded me to never forget to be kind to the person who took over my role.

Kohei Tanaka told me about how good things and bad things come in to balance each other out, no matter how frustrating that may be. He made me realize that people are judged by how they choose to make use of that in how they lead their life.

And Katsuji Mori… words cannot express my thanks for him. The first time I read his letter, my chest grew tight and the tears wouldn’t stop coming.

“What happens when your heart is weighed down? Rather than get flustered, you persevere. And you get stronger. My dear Kotono Mitsuishi, I’m sure that as you flap your powerful wings, you will not lose your way and lose sight of your goals. Something even greater awaits. Grow strong, Kotono!”

I stopped crying when I read the last part.

I read it over, and then read it again, and no tears came.

Maybe I stumbled, but I’ll get back up.