Hospital Diary

February 5, 1993 (Friday)

I told mom about what happened yesterday, and she reacted pretty much how I expected.

“I can’t believe you made him worry like that.” “He’s got a lot on his plate with his job.” “You’re selfish.” “Is there someone else you like?” “You sure kept him waiting for awhile.”

It really is a pretty awful situation.

There isn’t anyone I really like, but I just feel really strongly that I don’t want to get married.

I don’t know if I’m postponing it or calling it off, but right now… right now I can’t do it.

I remember being on the phone, when he said “I figured you’d call me if something came up.”

How, when his mother came to visit, she said that “girls are such a pain,” and “you need to get to making babies while your remaining ovary is still good.” And how Keiichi didn’t say anything back to her.

I know they didn’t have any ill-will. But… but… deep in my heart, something just popped.

The incisions on my stomach still haven’t healed properly. It still hurts.

I don’t exist simply to make babies.

I didn’t want to hear that. I wish I never did.

Wataru and Kusao came to visit me in the afternoon. I was happy… but didn’t I tell you to give me a heads up if you’re coming! I don’t have any makeup on. It’s embarrassing.

But still, I got over it in a few minutes. The three of us went over to visit Yuki – a friend I made just today – to hang out. She was really happy to see everyone. Thanks you two.