February 4, 1993 (Thursday)
I feel absolutely awful.
I told him how I felt.
“I really don’t want to get married right now. It feels like a burden. I don’t feel confident I can pull it off.”
I wonder what Keiichi’s thinking.
It was scary, but I tried to say “you know, look at me.”
“You’re like a bed-bound old woman,” he joked.
I’m being serious here.
I lost an ovary and the other is damaged, so I’m a bit at a loss about myself as a woman.
“I’m going out for a smoke.” And with that, he left.
You know, I was kinda hoping he would say something to make me feel better.
I have a fever and can’t think straight.
Whenever we’re together, the room feels oppressive.
Someone help me.
After thinking it over again, I decided it’s over today.
I wanted to be alone. I wanted to be alone right away.